The question is always with me: how will I thrive as a teacher, as a wife and as a mother? I often ruminate over the small decisions I make every day to strengthen my marriage, nurture my children and find pleasure in my work. Recently indulging in quiet reflection, I realized that for half of my marriage and half my oldest child’s life, I have been teaching. Half! Soon it will be more than half. With that thought I wondered what kind of impression of myself I leave with my beloved family. They know I love study and writing, that I love my profession. However, my predilection for spending long hours with texts or my laptop (invariably in some cozy coffeeshop) takes its toll on my family and my marriage, and I desire to balance the requirements of my calling with the responsibilities and needs of my dear ones.
April is ending and with May comes the end of the school year. The summer beckons. Week by week, I plan family hiking trips in local state parks, interspersed by workshops and institutes which will help me prepare for the upcoming school year. I pencil in birthdays on the calendar, struggle to come up with great gift ideas and wonder where I will find the time to read all the books and materials I expect I’ll need to have read before August. I contemplate camping trips with my toddler and two older girls–would it be hectic or delightful? Probably a little of both. How much can I afford not to work at my second job over the summer? I suspect that I am already overbooked and seriously need to reconsider how much I can accomplish. What about a week of nothing? How would that feel?
My husband, my treasure, has wisely assured me that nothing will help my busy life more than slowing down, doing less and concentrating more on my spiritual life. I thought about that this morning as I drove away from the house, realizing only later that I had left my Bible and copy of Knowing God back on the kitchen table. Those small moments spent in meditation, prayer and reading are valuable and precious. They are too few. What gardener does not know the inevitable consequences of seed sowed too thinly over too much soil?
My mental war over how I spend my time is, largely, mental. That is, the battle lies within more than without. I am the one who makes the decision to stop rushing here and there, to find quietude, to redeem the time through spiritual enrichment. I am thankful that the Lord has been gracious enough to put that desire in my heart. I pray that he would enlarge it, make me hungry for more time with Him, that I would seek Him out amidst the daily buzz and rush and reflect on His great love for His children and the mercy he extends towards the children of this earth. I am thankful for such a husband who encourages my spiritual growth and wants to see me find hope in the simple riches of our Lord’s peace.
